Knockin on Heaven s Door (english)
by MariaLujan
Summary: The relation between Shelagh and Sister Julienne is in crisis. Sorry! English is not my language, but I try to write in the correct forms.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The thaliomide´s scandal and the Sister Evangelina's death had consumed everyone´s spirits. It seemed that grew not only the problems, also the emptiness of someone very important was missing. So when arrived the proposal for a trip to Africa, everyone accepted, hoping that the change of scenery would benefit. And they there were, traveling in a tortuos train to nowhere. In front of her, Trixie and Sister Winifred chattered animatedly, as if the heat did not dent them. She thought that the trip would make them both very well; Trixie could cope better her fight with herself and the alcohol, and Sister W. temper her faith, she ocasionally used it to judge too quickly to others.

She looked out the window at the vast plain that the midday sun was burning, and then she looked where she don't want to look. Four seats later, Shelagh slept in the Dr Turner´s arms. Two months had passed and seems two years. Two months since the discussion about the pill had distanced more than when Shelagh left the Order. For the first time, the gasp between science and church put them in opposite places. But she could not understand that Shelagh not see the consequences. How she forgotten too quicky the education in the Order? Or she was too blinded by her husband? Think about that annoyed her a lot because in those moments she missed Sister Bernadette, her right hand and her future sucessor, the person that she always trust. It was strange that they were the same person and at the same time, two opposites.

At last, the train stopped in a small station crowded with people. They soon alighted and Sister Julienne put all her hope in the African sun also burn the wounds.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sister Julienne´s gaze thanked to Sister Mary Cynthia. The young nun, with her gente firmness, lowered the high level of enthusiasm that Sister Winifred could not manage. If she excited with a travel by bus, the adventure in Africa was too much for her, so Sister Mary Cynthia reminded her that they were not there for tourism, but to work in harsh conditions. Sister W. stopped talking and everyone appreciated that.

They were welcomed by Dr Fitzsimmons, who was in charge of the mission´s hospital, and for two natives who helped her. Inmediately, they shown the rooms that they occuply and the general (and bad) situation of the hospital.

When she closed the bedroom's door, Shelagh knew that to accept that trip was the worst idea of her life. She put the Patrick´s health ahead for her suffering by leaving her children with the granny, believing that the change would clear her husband of his sins. Just an hour in that place was enough to know that Patrick returned to England more tired and more frustrated than he was. And she too, because she added the coldness with Sister Julienne. She could not understand why Sister J. was unfair to her, putting distance merely by give her opinión and promote a method that would aliviate much of the suffering of Poplar. It was the first time that her past was heavy, because she knew she was being judged for being a former nun and now a married woman. She knew that someday she receive recriminations for that, but she not expected from Sister Julienne and much less hidden under the question of contraceptive pill. Every time she thought, she could feel her anger grew. She loved Julienne with her soul, as her mother, even her daughter carried her name, but the Sister Julienne´s atittude bothered her so much. Shelagh had not even been able to confort Sister Julienne when Sister Evangelina gone, because Sister Julienne put a cold cortesy between them, far from the warmth that they always shared.

And everything was for the damn pill. She wanted to approach her and talk, but she didn't how. She hoped that the trip was not in vain and that aspect of her life, would be cure.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A week had passed and even Sister Winifred, nobody had enthusiasm. The conditions in the mission were hard, yes, but there was another factor that discourage more: very few people came to the hospital.

"They are very suspicious" Dr Fitzsimmons explain. "They lived in the worst conditions because of the white people".

"But how we can make them understand that we not come to hurt them, but the opposite?" Patrick said, exasperated.

"It's that we´ve tried to do, but still...The fact that we are white, british, that the women doing men´s works, and above all, there are nuns, makes them more fearful"

"If the habit is what them move away, we will not use it." Sister Julienne spoke firmly, and everyone looked her with admiration. However, Dr Fitzsimmons smiled with sadness.

"Even with this, nothing change".

With that so little motivation, the dinner finished early and everyone went to the bedrooms. Shelagh went to her room after the Complains and found Patrick snoozing.

"I think I know what we can do" She said sitting on the bed. He looked her sleepy, but then he smiled.

"Well, seeing how early is, I also know what we can do..."

"Patrick" She smile "I don't mean that. I mean what we can do to make people approaching to the hospital"

"Oh, that..." He said indifferently, and she exploded in a laugh. "Can you tell me that tomorrow?

"As you wish, Dr Turner. But you stick to the consequences"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next morning, everyone was perplexed. Shelagh was in the hospital courtyard, telling to Totoca, one of the natives who work in the hospital and drove an old Jeep, to take her to the farthest village that he knew.

"What happen here?" said Trixie, looking horrified when she heared the Shelagh´s request.

"Is in vain we complain because the people don´t come here. We must go to them, as we have always doing. I don't see the difference between here and Poplar."

"Shelagh, is different. You don´t know nothing about this place, and about the people, and..."

"I will know"

"No" said Dr Fitzsimmons, stepping forward. "I don´t allow it"

Shelagh just shrugged her shoulders and Trixie had a hard time recognizing the gentle woman she had ever seen. She knew about Shelagh´ stubborn side, after all she was Scottish, but Trixie never saw her so challenging.

"Then I turn to Poplar" Shelagh said, and Trixie opened her eyes more.

Sister Julienne watched the conversation until she decided to intervene. She approached them slowly.

"Shelagh, Trixie is right. You can't go alone, this isn't the East End and..."

"I will."

Sister Julienne felt an almost physical pain when she noticed the look of ice Shelagh gave her. She took a breath, determined not to give in to the fight.

"Shelagh, can´t." She tried to grab the Shelgh´s arm, but the young woman jumped into the jeep, sitting next to Totoca.

"I don´t care, Sister." Reply dryly and Trixie gulped as she realized that the tension felt for some time between the two women it was real.

"I want to go"

They turned and saw Sister Mary Cynthia, holding her bag with both hands. Shelagh smiled to her.

"No" Sister Julienne said. "You two don´t go to nowhere"

"Sister, Shelagh is right. We must approach, we must see what they need, gain their trust. We can´t be separated from them. Her idea seems great"

"But you not going to there. You can help here, in the hospital, not in the middle of nothing"

"But the Shelagh´s idea idea..."

"I don´t care Shelagh!"

She had never seen Sister Mary Cynthia challenging, not even when she was only Cynthia. This time, she frowned, raised her habit and climbed into the jeep. Sister Julienne was surprised, but felt the blood boiling in her veins when she saw the Shelagh´s triumphant smile.

"You have a vote of obedience!" she shouted, but Sister Mary Cynthia looked immutable.

"I'm sorry Sister, but many times you have said that our faith should not in our work. And our work is take care of others"

Shelagh spoke to Totoca with words that Julienne did not understand and the jeep went quickly, leaving a cloud of dust. Julienne realized that these two women united them more than a change of roles, and very reluctantly she smiled. The she remembered how Shelagh and Sister Mary Cynthia challenged to her and knew that everything had come from one person.

She entered to the Patrick´s office without bothering to knock the door and he winced and dropped his pen.

"Why you put those ideas in her mind?" she spat. He looked even more confused.

"Sorry?"

She breath when she heard him, and she tried to calm down.

"Sorry" She felt unable to control the tremor in her voice because of anger. "I mean Shelagh. She left and I don´t understand how you could let her do that. I know, she´s your wife and she should you respect but...God! She´s dominated by you!" Her anger returned in full of force and she pressed her lips to not say more.

"I´m sorry, buy I don´t understand nothing." He stood up and put his hands on the table, looking to the nun´s eyes. "And I don´t dominate Shelagh because she´s old enough to have her opinions and her decisions. Look, if this is because the pill..."

"It's not because of that. Okay, yes. It is, but...how you let her go? We not even know where she went."

"What? How she went?"

"You don´t know?"

"I said I don´t understand nothing, Sister"

Julienne let out a long sigh. Evidently, Shelagh didn´t need anyone´s permission to do what she wanted. How long she was so rebel? Or she always was, just she suppressed because her habit?

"She said that we should approach to the natives, and she told Totoca to take her to the farthest village. And she's gone, with Sister Mary Cynthia"

"Only them?"

"Yes."

"Bloody hell!" He hit the table and shook his hair with his hands. "So, about this she wanted to talk last night"

"Then you knew?"

"No, she tried to tell me but I didn´t let her".

Julienne closed her eyes, trying not to think what method the Dr. used for distract Shelagh about the conversation.

"I thought she would tell me this morning" said Patrick. "How she did something like this? I would never allow this. I´ll go to find her"

"Where? I said I don´t know where she went, and we haven´t another vehicle. We can only pray to the two return save and sound."

"Sister, you know I never pray"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Totoca stopped the jeep in front of a heard of starving goats crossing the road. He pointed to the left, to a set of huts.

"Is here? "asked Shelagh.

"I can go further, but it would be more time travelling"

"Oh no, please" begged Sister Mary Cynthia, passing a handkerchief on her face full of dust.

"I agree" said Shelagh, and jumped out of the jeep. The goatherd looked scared but Totoca explained that the women just were nurses.

"Ask him if there are pregnant women" said Mary Cynthia.

Totoca asked and told them that the goatherd don´t knew count, but there weren´t too much women.

"He says that one of the women is his wife"

"We´d like to see her, and also know if someone is ill" said Shelagh, and she estimated that there would be many considering the situation of the little village. She looked at Sister Mary Cynthia and she knew the nun had the same thought: they had seen a lot of poverty in Poplar trough the years, but nothing compared with this. Thin children, possibly malnourished and women in the same situation. People with nothing.

The goatherd passed into his hut and invited to Shelagh and Mary Cynthia. Totoca stayed out, because the natives were very jealous of their women.

A tall woman with an earring in her nose smiled at them. Shelagh learned the basic words for greet or explain during a recognition, but she discovered that Mary Cynthia learned more words than her, so both explained to the woman the purpose of their visit.

The woman said that she had four children and she always given birth alone, but recently she wasn´t feeling well.

Mary Cynthia smiled at her and she started the recognition.

"Shelagh, it is vaginal infection. Not much, but do you think we can give her antibiotics?"

"Just I brought inject antibiotics"

She explained to the woman that she must puncture but she would not hurt. The woman nodded and thanked them with a broad smile.

Sister Mary Cynthia asked to the woman if she could accompany them to visit the others women. She accepted, and Shelagh count about eight pregnant women. A couple of them refused to be revised, the rest accepted with quite reluctantly, but nobody of them had complications. Mary Cynthia commented that she will come back in a few days, for see to the mothers to give birth soon.

"Is someone ill?" Mary Cynthia asked to the goatherd's wife, and she said that several children and elderly.

"They don´t want that you see them" said Totoca "According they, there are "evil spirits" that make people ill and only the shamans can heal. The white people can´t see them"

They felt disappointed, but an old woman approached them. She spoke too fast and Shelagh and Mary Cynthia looked at Totoca, waiting for a translation.

"She says one of her children is very ill and nothing seems heal him. She wants you see him"

Both women nodded and walked to the hut. There, on the ground, two children under of three years old, played naked. Another child, with no more of six years old, was lying on a green blanket. He had the shiny skin, the swollen body, and his breathing was hard.

"God..." said Sister Mary Cynthia whispered.

"What happened to him?" Shelagh asked, looking to the woman. Totoca translate.

"She says the child played and something punctured him in the foot"

"Tetanus" Shelagh covered her mouth to stifle a sob. It was too late.

"We can´t do anything" Mary Cynthia whispered "We give to him something to relieve, we can´t say to the mother that her boy will die. They never trust us."

Shelagh looked at the woman, she seems interested and almost happy for the visit. Her hope lit her eyes.

"Sister, this mother can´t believe that our visit heal her son. She look so hopeful, and her son will be die, and her heart will be broken. We must say the truth."

"Shelagh, we can´t, and..."

"You don´t understand what is the meaning of being mother" She looked at the child, and then looked at Mary Cynthia "Sorry, I didn´t mean that. Just all this poverty is so unjust and we can´t do nothing...All right, give medicines to the mother"

The woman thanked squeezing their hands and they left the hut with tears in their eyes.

"I´d like to do more for them" said Shelagh "But we can´t"

Slowly, Totoca shook his head.

"Maybe one of these days. Just give them time" That was all he said, before returning to the hospital.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

When she saw the lights of the jeep, Trixie put out her cigarette with her foot and ran to the kitchen.

"They are here!"

Everyone jumped of their chairs and ran to the courtyard. As soon as he stopped, Totoca helped his two companions for jumped from the jeep.

"Why did you do that?!

Everyone turned surprised. They never see Dr Turner cried and much less to his wife. Shelagh looked at him scared.

"Why?" he repeated, taking her elbows. He wanted shake her and both he wanted fill her with kisses because she was fine, just cover with dust.

He turned his sight when he heard his same questions but repeated by someone else: Sister Mary Cynthia looked down at the never seen Sister Julienne's anger.

"I'm sorry" Shelagh also looked down "But Patrick, if I told you, you never let me do this, and I could not helped to those women and..."

"I don't care those women if you are in danger"

"I wasn't in danger. Nothing happened. Patrick, they aren't a tribe of cannibals"

"But Shelagh, if they were violent? If something happened on the road?

Patrick knew that his words fell on an empty sack when he saw her roll her eyes in a gesture clearly copied from Timothy.

"Patrick, stop. Nothing happened. And everybody should go there." She said, letting go of her husband´s hands and looked to her friends. "There are eight pregnant women and several sick"

"What are they?" asked Fitzsimmons.

"I don´t know, they didn´t let us examine them"

"They never allow that. And they never will allow. We are intruders"

"No, they will allow us" Shelagh said, sure of the words that Totoca told her "I´m sure if they trust, they will come. Meanwhile, we must approach, but we must do it right now! May they have a silly disease and they can die for that cause. God, I saw a six years old child with tetanus and he will die! If they could trust in us, that child may be here and he may heal, but no, he will die in a hut!

Shelagh took off her glasses and wiped her eyes in a gesture full of indignation. She terribly missed her children and could not bear the thought of a child dying and she with nothing to do for him. Patrick knew what was going through her head, she looked so sad like the moment when she found her after the Susan Mullock's birth. He wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders and kissed her hair, no matter that they are in public. His girl behaved badly, but as always, she did it to help others. He hadn´t doubts that she was a heaven's angel.

But apparently, Sister Julienne didn´t think the same about Sister Mary Cynthia. The old nun, was still scolding the young like she was a child. Trixie saw everything, it was clear that she could not bear that treatment to her friend, but she didn´t know how intervene in nothing less than a nun´s fight. Shelagh did know, so she approached.

"Sister" she looked at Mary Cynthia "I think you need a bath"

Mary Cynthia nodded and Julienne looked at them with indignation. Shelagh notice the Julienne's glance and spoke.

"I don´t understand why you are scolding her, she is not a child. She was helping me and I'm very grateful."

"She disobeyed me and put her life at risk. We were worried about you both"

"But it was for a good cause, you must acknowledged that"

"No, I will not"

Shelagh took a deep breath and pursed her lips.

"Sister Mary Cynthia, go and take your bath"

Mary Cynthia thanked her with a little smile and went to her bedroom talking with Trixie. The rest of the people watched in amazement. Mary Cynthia chose to obey Shelagh and not her superior. The tension was evident for everybody.

"Since when she obey to you and not to me?" Sister Julienne tried to ice her gaze to this Shelagh, so unknown to her. However, Shelagh didn´t flinch.

"Why you speak about her like she is a dog? She is a person, who worked hard and she deserves a bath and a good rest"

"She is a nun, took vows and she must comply, as you should have comply them"

She immediately regretted, but it was too late. Shelagh blinked fast, she was wounded but not defeated.

"So, the problem is that. You are displeased because I broke my vows. Why did you hide all this time?"

"Shelagh" she felt the Patrick´s hand in her shoulder, trying to calm her.

"I´m not displeased about that and you know it. Just...Shelagh you are not the same. First,the pill. How can you support that? And now, you go when and where you want, take one of my sisters..."

Shelagh didn´t respond, just watched at her with indifferently. Julienne felt reborn her anger and decided to hurt her where it would hurt most.

"You are not even the shadow of what you were! I don´t know how you forgot so fast ten years of your life! There is nothing of my dear Sister Bernadette inside you?"

"Sister Bernadette is died! She doesn´t exist anymore and I want nothing to link me at her, not even you!"

She run to her bedroom, knowing she could not stop the tears.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Shelagh refused to eat. She was a sea of tears and Patrick knew she was crying not only for the confrontation with Sister J, she also cried for the situation in the village and because she terribly missed her children. Gently, he calmed her until she was falling exhausted in the bed. Patrick sighed with relief, thinking in tomorrow. Tomorrow he would announce the return to England to end once and for all that bloody travel.

He lay beside her, stroking her forehead until he fell asleep too. Two hours later, a strange sound awoke him. He extended his hand for Shelagh and heard the sound again. Whimpers.

He turned on the light and saw stunned: Shelagh was deathly pale, writhing in pain.

"Shelagh! What´s wrong?"

She could not answer, just shook her head as she clenched the eyelids, trying in vain to stifle a groan of pain.

Patrick touched her forehead. She burned with fever and her hands were shaking.

"Be calm, love. You´ll be fine." He whispered in her ear, but he heard again the whimpers while she grabbed the sheets with trembling hands. She started coughing and Patrick helped her but she seemed totally drowned.

"Shelagh tries to breathe. Look at me, just breathe, everything will be fine."

Gradually she took air and the cough decreased. However, she was still breathing hard.

"Love, show me where it hurts" He brushed her damp hair while she tried to take air through the mouth, until a hoarse voice appeared.

"Here" She pointed her stomach. "And my head is breaking. Patrick, what happen?" She started to cry, but covered her mouth and Patrick knew she was going to vomit. Quickly he took a basin and held her hair. He stroked her back until seemed that she hadn´t nothing in her body. She fell exhausted on the pillow, her eyes closing anticipating the swoon.

"Shelagh listen to me. Don´t close your eyes, look at me"

He helped her up but another cough attack shook her body and she looked at him, terrified. No words were needed to know what they were thinking, but he decided to lie.

"Surely you are intoxicated with something that you ate or with the water. You´ll be fine, I promise." He smiled and helped her to take some water. "I´ll go looking for Dr Fitzsimmons, you´ll see how she agree with me. Tomorrow you´ll be perfect"

"No." Her voice and the strength of her hand in his arm were very hard although her state. "Please don´t leave me alone"

"Love, I´ll back in a minute. I´ll tell to Trixie, she´ll stay with you, don´t worry"

Shelagh didn´t answer, just bit her lip clutching her stomach. Patrick´s mind started running. What if she was pregnant? It could not be, but it was not impossible. Holding his breath, he removed the sheet that covered her and put his hands on her belly. She released a pain moan and sharply brushed his hands, clearly the simple contact was too much for her, but with that contact he knew there was no baby. A quick glance gave him the certainty that there was no blood in the sheets. So it could be a TB attack. That would explain the cough and the hard breathing, but what about the others symptoms? Think in TB just filled his mind with painful memories, when he left Sister Bernadette in the sanatorium. She seemed another woman and however she was the same and she was his, just his. And again he could lose her.

Suddenly, he remembered the conversation when Shelagh came back from the village. She said something about sick people and she didn´t know what illness they had. Patrick felt a surge of guilt. Shelagh was, despite her strong character, physically weaker. What kind of doctor accepted a trip like that, knowing that his wife was the most prone to diseases?

Shelagh took air, producing a sound similar to the death rattle and Patrick felt his blood freezing.

"Sweetheart, listen to me. I need Dr Fitzsimmons. I´ll go looking for Trixie, don´t worry"

He ran through the hallway and knocked the Trixie´s bedroom like a maniac. The nurse greeted him with a strange mask in her face.

"Oh" She said, covered her face with the hands."Excuse me, doctor. What´s wrong?"

"Trixie, I need your help. Is Shelagh."

The nurse didn´t hesitate and ran the sleeves of her robe on her face to remove the mask.

"What happen?" She asked, trying to follow him. He shook his head and Trixie knew that the things were bad. When they entered the bedroom, Trixie looked horrified.

"God, Shelagh"

"I think she has spread something in the village, but I don´t know. Please, take care of her, while I´ll look for Dr Fitzsimmons"

Trixie just nodded as she dipped a handkerchief and put in the Shelagh´s forehead.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

When Dr Fiztsimmons came, Trixie ran looking for Sister Mary Cynthia. If it was a village´s disease, Mary Cynthia would be ill too. Trixie sighed when the young nun opened the door, completely healthy.

"Are you fine?" Trixie asked with anxiety.

"I ask the same" Mary Cynthia smiled. "Yes, I´m fine. What happen?"

"Shelagh is very bad and Dr Turner thinks she had infected in the village and I think that you are ill too and...Thanks, God!" she raised her eyes and Mary Cynthia smiled.

"Thank you, Trixie. I´m fine, I´m not ill, and I feel very well. Let´s see how is Shelagh and...What you have in your face?"

Trixie laughed and put her hand in her face, removing the remains of the beauty mask. They walked in the hallway in silence. Despite of the early morning, the heat was stifling and they heard the shrieking of insects and animals.

"What if she had been stung by a snake?" Trixie trembled at the idea and Mary Cynthia too. In the trip, they saw several snakes and spiders.

They came to the bedroom and Dr Fitzsimmons smiled with relief.

"Sister, you are healthy and I´m very glad because that confirms my diagnosis. Mrs Turner isn´t infected in the village. However, she is very ill. She has a strange disease, called chikungunya."

"Chi what?" said Trixie. Patrick hid his head in his hands.

"It is a disease transmitted by a mosquito, the Aedes Aegypthy"

"So, we can all be ill?" Instinctively, Sister Mary Cynthia took the Trixie´s hand.

"Theoretically, yes. We are exposed. But, the disease only develops in weak patients. Had you got any chronic illness?"

They denied.

"Well, you are safe. Anyway, you must use repellents and stay away from places with stagnant water"

"I knew we hadn´t come here" Patrick said, still with his face in his hands.

"Is not your fault, Dr" Myra Fitzsimmons looked at her colleague.

"Will she heal?" asked Mary Cynthia.

"Yes, but it takes time."

Shelagh stayed quiet because Myra injected a strong painkiller, but her eyes were fixed on the ceiling and her breathing was difficulty.

"Dr Turner, as you see, your wife should be admitted to the hospital"

"Well, we are in a hospital..."

"Not here, Dr. She needs a high complexity hospital"

He just sighed and pressed a Shelagh's hand. Myra stopped looked at him and went to Trixie and Mary Cynthia.

"I´ll make the calls for that in the morning she can be admitted to the hospital. We shouldn´t lost time."

They nodded and Myra went.

"Dr Turner, do you need anything?" Sister Mary Cynthia asked, putting a hand in his shoulder. He only refused, with his eyes in Shelagh.

Suddenly, she moved and cried out in pain.

"She'll vomit" Trixie said and helped Shelagh. She only complained more because her body had nothing. Trixie felt her heart was a knot, she never saw this woman in such terrible state, with tears of pain falling through her face. The she saw the look of Shelagh lost even more, until she fainted in bed.


End file.
